I know the solution to the pursuit of happiness, and I don’t like it one bit. This simple truth doesn’t encompass the entirety of happiness, but it covers more than I care to admit. Don’t you just hate it when you are bouncing around the internet and some banner ad sucks you in with some tidbit you are thirsting for, then they withhold the gold. They drag it out with mind-numbing foreplay while endless ads fill every page. I mean crap, I just wanna see the dang picture of so and so’s wardrobe malfunction already! After five minutes of scrolling and arrow punching I start to feel stupid and embarrassed; ashamed that I’ve stooped so low. By the time I give up my dive into wickedness my mood is floundering in pond scum. So, my professional medical advice to you all is: Don’t go there. Stay focused on the deeply meaningful internet search that led you to pull up some search engine in the first place.
Ok, getting back on track. No, wait a minute, I want to share something amazing about my sister, N_ncy came up with. I got your back sis…respecting your anonymity and all. Another thing I can’t stand is those ads that start with; Try This Weird Trick… So, I read the one that promised to enlighten me and save me a bundle. It read; Try This Weird Trick Your Bank Doesn’t Want You to Know. What could be better than tricking my bank, right? Excited beyond belief, I typed in my Visa number, and bought the program. To say I was brimming with visions of financial freedom is an understatement. The trick to save thousands on my mortgage was mine!
What was this amazing trick? After I read several pages of…yup, you guessed it—mind-numbing foreplay, I had the answer. What was this bank-crushing trick? Are you ready for this? Right here, right now, I’m going to share the amazing trick with you FOR FREE! Pay more each month and your mortgage will magically be paid off sooner, saving you some on interest. Really? Brilliant! Friggin brilliant! I paid $9.95 for that?! So, once again I felt stupid and embarrassed. Sort of a theme here, right? Eight years of college, (I took the long road—two years of music school, two years for respiratory therapy, and four years of biology, four years of medical school, and six years of specialty training, and I fell for that?!! Just kidding, but you get my point. Also, I would NEVER admit to something so stupid. If I started listing: Stupid things Doug has done, well, we’d be here…forever. Of course, if you message me with the burning desire to know my stupid things list, I’ll consider revealing the highlights. Why would I do that you may ask? Well, my profound journey into self-awareness has shown me that I’m a sucker for people pleasing. Why wouldn’t I do it? Because I’m a procrastinator.
I digress. On to my sister N_ncy’s wise advice. One day she called me. She was jubilant, oozing with self-satisfaction. She revealed to me the weird trick that lead to her recent enlightenment. She said that when she had the urge to do something she shouldn’t, she imagined she was being watched by video cameras. It worked! She didn’t do the…bad thing that she really, really wanted to do. I’m sure it was something like picking her nose. Not that my sis, N_ncy would ever have the urge to do that. Whatever it was, it’s up to her to come clean with her inner deviant sociopath, right? So, here’s another bit of double sub-specialist medical advice: If you fear you are about to submit to a ‘sub-optimal’ behavior, imagine video cameras, everywhere. Kinda creepy, but hell, give it a try.
There was a reason I started this blog…..Oh yeah, the pursuit of happiness. I’m not the first person to stumble upon this profound revelation but I’ll take credit for it today. It’s good for my ego. Here it is. The ‘weird trick’ that guarantees happiness. Always do the thing you don’t want to do—first. Get it over with. Just do it and you will be happy…er. Not the video camera type of thing you know you shouldn’t do, but the stuff we have to do that we hate to do that makes us miserable because we don’t do it. Like, calling the cable company, filling out insurance forms, that sort of thing. Now that’s some amazing head exploding advice, right? Trust me. It works. I tried it…once…a couple years ago.
P.S. Check out my medical thriller, Broken Cure . It’s on amazon, y’all. Try this wierd trick: Go to amazon, type in Broken Cure, pay $3.99, and whala, the book will magically appear on your device. And keep an eye out for the soon to be released sequel, God Dust. Then you can put your eye back in.
Cheers,
Doug
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